An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
