I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
