On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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