Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have fence marks all over my body
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
