my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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