Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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