random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
