Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
