Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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