my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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