I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
