neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
