dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
