We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
