I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
