You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
