pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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