Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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