Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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