I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
as a side note pls kill me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
