I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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