Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
