I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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