my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
