he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
