Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
