hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
