apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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