Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
