Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
