My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
