I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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