my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
