He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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