Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
