R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
