Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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