I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
