Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
