i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
