I faked an abortion last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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