How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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