Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
