you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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