i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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