It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
3 2 1 whiskey
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
