I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm passing your future prison.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
