He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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