I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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