If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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