Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
